You Can Take Your White Claw Hate and Shove It

I love White Claw and here’s why.

Recently I attended a small outdoor gathering and brought with me a six-pack of the popular hard seltzer beverage White Claw.

As I greeted the host for the first time, she looked down at the cans in my hand and made a face I’ve seen before when discussing White Claw. A face of both disapproval and disgust.

“White Claw? Ugh.”

I instantly felt a surge of rage rise from deep within my core.

Instead of saying what I wanted to say, which was “F*ck you, I like my White Claw, audacious person I just met,” I said, “I don’t drink much anymore, so White Claw is more my speed,” which is 100% accurate.

You see, in my early twenties I used alcohol to deal with my woes — my woes being that I had just moved to Los Angeles and had become a personal assistant to a tyrant.

Prior to that move, I was a college student who did not drink until she was legally allowed. I was raised by a single mom and a grandma who didn’t drink and they told me not to drink and so I didn’t. I had tasted booze a handful of times before the age of 21, but I didn’t fulfill my college destiny by getting wasted on a weekly basis. I took college pretty seriously, plus I had a job, a boyfriend, and family that I regularly…